Turbulent Waters

Turbulent Waters

Having recently come back into contact with my father after being separated for almost ten years, my work explores the complex feelings and emotions that are part of the reconciliation process. This work explores my past, seeks a better understanding of who I have become, while also acknowledging the loss of my father during my adolescence. Before my father was incarcerated, we would often fish for catfish, gar, and carp along a section of the Trinity River, near Dallas, Texas, known for its yearly flooding and fast currents. Now, spending the past few summers fishing there again with my father, the river acts as a mediator of reconciliation and a permanent connection with the past. Throughout my work I use the spillway, the river, the plants, and the creatures within it as symbols of my experiences. Each piece in “Turbulent Waters" represents feelings I, and many others, have had facing their demons; feeling a lack of control, feeling like you have hit rock bottom, feeling alone, feeling like you are drowning, and feeling like it only gets worse. These are difficult realities to just push aside, hide, and forget about, they are complex yet beautiful challenges that I have had to confront and embrace to better understand who I am, and more importantly, who I want to become.

In addition to facing these challenges and documenting them through my work, a large part of my creative practice has been facing my fears through process as well. While I fell in love with mokuhanga after briefly studying it in Kyoto, Japan in 2018, I abandoned it shortly after. Mokuhanga can be a daunting and extremely skill, time, and physically intensive process. Finally, about two years ago when I started to more purposely explore my fears, I realized I should break free from those restraints in my creative practice as well. As I have searched for the tools and techniques to face my past, I have found parallels learning this complex process. The entire process is a balancing act of water. Since mokuhanga are printed using water-based inks, it is a constant battle, particularly in the Sonoran Desert, to maintain just the right amount of moisture in the paper, pigment, ink, block and brush. Any misbalance, any misstep, and a print can bleed, misalign, print unevenly, or even be totally destroyed. Even though I have found a way to make the process quicker and more achievable through the use of laser engraving and other digital technologies, it is still a very long process that takes careful thought and consideration, allowing me to take the time and do the same for my subject matter.